Breathing Underwater

 

I am honestly beginning to think that my life is just some big joke. As I sit here, writing this, I cannot help but laugh at the events that have occurred since my first blog post.

– A person contacted me on twitter.

– They wanted to know why my last relationship ended.

-They were curious because they had been talking to my ex.

–The person in reference is a man.

Yes sir, ladies and gentlemen, you read that correctly. The person that I dated on and off since high school is actually into men. In all reality (funny pun), I guess it is a blessing that things fell apart when they did.

I spent a total of ten minutes wondering if I was a cover up, or if he had ever really had feelings, or if he had been talking to this person while we were dating. Thankfully, ten minutes was all I wasted until I realized…

None of it matters.

I spent years of my life with someone that never romantically loved me back and I am a stronger woman because of it.

I just hope that at some point, he finds the courage to tell people who he really is. Pretending to be someone your not is like trying to breathe underwater. When you finally embrace yourself for who you are, it is like coming up for air. I hope he can breathe someday soon.

The ‘Shore’ Truth

Tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band.

I am a teacher. I am a coach. I am a girl that loves drinking coffee, reading books, and exploring new places. I am content with having the little things. Which is why it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth to say:

I dated a MTV star.

I did not fall in love with him once he had attained his sense of stardom. Instead, I fell for the humble, sweet, kind man that pursued me above all things for ten years. There is nothing left of that man but a mere shadow of who he used to be.

We dated on and off for ten years. It began in high school and ended the way most high school relationships do. We tried again in college, but it ended before it really started. I pushed him away time after time because I was not going to have my picture sitting next to the definition of insanity. However, when he walked back through the door this last time, I felt that things were different.

He pursued me. Despite my skepticism, he laid his feelings out on the line. “It has always been you”, he said. I fell for him. I knew that I had found the one that I would spend the rest of my life.

He went away for six weeks to film. He came home and we never skipped a beat. When he was not working and I was not coaching, we spent every minute together that we could. We laughed together, we cried together, we talked about our future together and I thought that my heart would burst with happiness.

Then a funny thing happened.

The show became a hit.

So why, might you ask, have you never seen me in the spotlight? Well, our relationship could no longer be public for the sake of the show. He had to appear single to boost ratings. I obliged.

There were trips to New York City. Trips to Florida. Radio interviews. News broadcasts. Hundreds of follow requests. He was in high demand and he knew it.

The sweet, caring, kind, humble person that I knew no longer existed. Fame was not becoming for him; he transformed into a self-indulged, arrogant, pompous ass.

The line of communication dwindled. He would go days, weeks, without speaking to me. My heart ached and I missed my best friend. The silence was deafening.

Then the rubber band snapped.

I remembered my worth. I picked the pieces up and laughed at the situation at hand. I sent a text and I walked away.

The rest of my story is still being written.